Thursday, January 12, 2006

2006 Day 12 ER - blub sob

Have period .... am grumpy ...... and emotional ......... and sobbing.

I intended to write and instead here I am sitting blubbing at ER. Brain damaged baby scenario.

This is something you never think of until you are six months pregnant and you are watching ER / Holby or somesuch, the scenario is about a brain-damaged, handicapped, physically impaired foetus and you turn to oneanother with *that look* and nothing is said but a silent wish passes between you and the resolve "we'll deal with it when we are faced with it" is born.

One cup of tea and a HUGE noseblow later.

Shouldn't have switched to TMF, it's Eminem's "When I'm gone".

You know what's coming, give me 5 minutes.

Oh good, there is an Arnie film on Channel5. T1. "Skynet had to wipe out his entire existence ....." Ooh no, the scalpel in the eye bit. Writing time. Funny how you can look at your own placenta shivering on the floor like a piece of liver coloured jelly but the sight of a prosthetic with a bit of red paint and it's the heebee jeebies.

Feel totally cheated at the end to season one of Lost last night. The big end was all of them staring into a flipping hole? WTF!? The 'others' (who quite frankly looked like rejects from the Deliverance set) kidnapping of the kid was a bit of a shocker though and yes, I did laugh when the guy lecturing the others on the dangers of sweating dynamite ... boom boom ... got blown up by the very dyno he was waving about.

Haven't been so cross since the fabulous Point Pleasant ended five weeks ago. I stayed up until 1am to see the 'season finale'. They promised war, annihilation, bodies piled up and total destruction. What happened? Teenager has row with Mother, teenager gets stroppy, throws
stuff about, chap gets blinded in the process, yelling, shouting, girl's chap lies to her, oh someone gets shot and teenager storms off in a huff arrogantly vowing "I'll show everyone" and "I'll tell my Daddy about you lot"

GAWD! I wish someone would give me a job writing season finales, I would put the perfect crust on their sandwiches. I could do better than the stroppy striding teenager or the three lawdy-help-us's staring into a flipping hole and a bit of backlighting and dramatic music. Come back
Dallas with JR getting shot or old Bobby reappearing in the shower - now THERE was the way to end a season!

Season one of Desperate Housewives ended on a bit of a cliffhanger so am looking forward to the return to Channel4 next Wednesday. I can see what the surprise is going to be in episode
one. Here is my prediction given in such a way as hopefully not be a spoiler but I bet the loopy Dana will find out who his real Father is.
There you go.

Is it just me or is anyone else annoyed by those cars ads trading on the concept of "bigsmall"? I had to google it to find out the brand as the concept stuck more than the product. It is for the new Toyota Yaris. I hate to tell you this oh Mr. and Mrs. Mighty Car Manufactures and equally overpaid ad agency peeps but something which is bigsmall is MEDIUM you mumpty dumpty muppets! Gah! I despair sometimes, I really do. To think, someone was probably paid
the balance of our mortgage to come up with that piffle. I could come up better, except I can't post it here cos it would be stolen. Send cash thought the post with a stamped addressed envelope and I'll send you my best one.

That is if Ford do not get to me first :)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


Three steps forwards and one back. Ended up on a ventilator today.

My lung infection decided I couldn't live without it so it came back for a visit and it brought a guest - vengeance, as in back with a ...

Was up most of the night coughing and then finally nodded off sitting up head in hands about 5am. Then it felt like I was breathing through glass when I got up, the cracked kind.

So hubbie left the Little Master to school and then came back and brought me to the docs. The lady doc I saw was fresh meat who didn't bother reading my history, namely the 2 types of antibiotics thrown at this in the last 3 weeks and the fact it had been hitting me on and off for the last six months ("wee" facts it had taken Dr. Patel who I saw just over a week ago seconds to read through) So she proposed the first mild cure-all that the Somerset doctor put me on and when I objected told me that I was lucky to be put on a-bs at all! Oh, so the fact that my lungs are now making a crackling noise when I breathe doesn't justify them then doc? Grrrrrrr ...

I was put on a ventilator with oxygen for about 10 mins. Whew-whew-wee, I can see why people in the army are partial to a few 'hits' to cure hangovers. It doesn't half start your heart. Little Miss was NOT impressed with the proceedings and divided her time between screaming
with tiredness (we hit her nap time while there) and trying to pull the mask off my face.

The moral of the story is stand up for yourself in NHS surgeries and don't forget your babies soggy when you go there. If you are wondering why Soggy is so called, well it is because he is just as his name suggests.

Bedtime and naptime involves the application of a grobag and a soggy. When handed Soggy, thumb goes in mouth, eyes start drooping and she goes to sleep. My darling little girl ......

Now before all you parents who have kids with sleeping issues start to tune out in disgust, let me assure it was not always like this. Lucy was born with gastroesophageal reflux . This is an awful condition where 'lid' at the top of her tummy was not closing all the way so stomach acid was coming up her esophagus and burning her. This lid is something we all have which keeps foods and stomach acid where they belong in our tummies but some children are born with them underformed or non-existant.

She was arching her back and screaming because it hurt. She was not eating because it hurt. She was screaming because she was hungry. She was screaming because she was too busy screaming instead of sleeping and was exhausted. I was at my wits end. We tried treating her for colic (no joy obviously) and just met blank stares from the local doctor's surgery when their treatments did not work. I am not proud admitting it but there were a couple of nights where we were into the 5th or 6th hour of screaming where I put her in her moses basket in the bathroom, at the back of the house and shut the door so we could not hear her. She was warm and safe just inconsolable with pain. That night both of us cried ourselves to sleep. Like I said, it wasn't the only one.

It is awful to say but the few hours sleep I snatched that way were probably what stopped me from strangling her during those first 10 weeks. Sleep deprivation, frustration at the doctors, impatience with your own uselessness, the helplessness of knowing your child is in pain all played out to the soundtrack of a screaming baby can do strange things to your mental process. I collapsed in tears telling all this to a middle-aged midwife who roared laughing at me. She told me that when her own daughter was born, for weeks afterwards this woman wished she would die just so she could get a night's sleep.

I have now come to the conclusion it is probably better to vent i.e. give voice to these awful things rather than actually carry them out. It might shock or even reassure the person listening to you but it is a wholr lot better than actually doing something you will regret.

Anyhow thanks to the Internet and the chance sentence on a website saying how reflux is often mistaken for colic, I had my diagnosis. I went straight to the doctors and asked for a referral to a specialist.

They gave me gaviscon as a part of going through the GP motions. It is no joke trying to gaviscon into a breast-fed baby, in fact it would have been easier (and more preferable) to pass a camel through my arse ... daily! So after 2 days I threw that muck away and said to the doctors unless I got an emergency referral, I would leave the baby there for them to deal with. Luckily (!) Little Miss did not disappoint that day and was in full voice. I got my referral. Would I have gone through with my threat? Absolutely not. However there is something about a sleep-deprived woman with wild shower hair and mad eyes that must have made them think that I was serious. Bless me.

Anyhow for anyone interested here are the symptoms to look out for. The ones underlined are the real tell-tale ones.
  • vomiting especially projectile
  • prolonged crying and screaming as if in pain
  • back arching (very important this one as colic causes a baby to double over)

  • refusal to eat which may be accompanied by lethargy and/or significant weight loss

  • never seeming satisfied and fussing at the breast / bottle

  • frequent violent hiccuping
  • gagging and choking when feeding
  • belching and/or farting

  • frequently coughing
  • wheezing
  • frequent upper respiratory infections (colds)
  • rattling in the chest

Anyhow the pediatrician, put Little Miss on 2 medicines. One to help her digest her food faster and another to act as a sort of plug to sit on top of her tummy and stop the acid from rising. From the second day of using it, we had a different child.

The only trouble was had was 6weeks later (due to weight gain) the crying started again but a minor adjustment to the dosage fixed that.Funny now how it all feels like a bit of a dream as she is off the medicines about 2 months, weighs a respectable 19lbs and is wearing clothes for an 18 month old. Not bad for a reflux baby who is 'not supposed' to gain weight.

I am incredibly proud of my daughter and my son. Ah fuddit, a few breathing difficulties is nothing compared to everything else I have to be grateful for in my life.

Monday, January 09, 2006

2006 Day 10 Diet rebel hires a nanny

Ughhhh, I am sick of vegetable gloopy soupy yackie ucky muck
that passes under the name of veggie juice, a "delightful" invention of
Dr. McKeith which consists of mix of 2 celery sticks, 1 cucumber and 2
carrots. So I rebelled today and had half a tuna sandwich. It did have
cucumber on it however so it was only half a misdemeanor.

I also had a coffee, a fabulous creamy coffee and you know
what? I half suspect the milk was full fat as James the delightful
proprietor of our local Italian caff goes in for making things
properly. It's stunning, located in the expensive SE3 postcode, he
manages to provide a hot chocolate, a latte, a banana sandwich (made to
order) a tuna sandwich and 2 cups of milk for £6.50. A mile
up the road you get no change from £5 for a sandwich and a
coffee from Costa. My "other" favorite coffee haunt.

I will quickly clarify that it was not me who had all of the above but Little Master, Little Master's mate and Little Master's mate's nanny.

Anyhow perhaps it was the rush of coffee to the head after several days
break, perhaps it was the news that Little Master's mate's (super)
nanny Jo only had one afternoon free and was looking for work for that
day, but I offered a one day a week job to Jo (who is the
nanny of Little Master's friend) So I now have six hours on a
Monday to devote to the gym, doing some work on eBay, eventually taking
driving lessons and perhaps sneaking in a few hours studying for my
Solaris exam. It's a lot in a little time, I know but I've got to take
the breaks where I can find them and I am delighted to have found this

I also have an appointment on Friday to get a referral to see the ENT
(ear, nose, throat) specialist which hopefully will do something
towards clearing up this cycle of throat / lung / bronchi infections.
So it looks like its 'all change' (WHOOPEE!!)

You know I said Little Miss was off her food? Well she was back on with
a vengeance today. Six scoops of porridge for breakfast, potato and
parsnip soup for lunch and pureed chickpea and quinoa chowder for
dinner (2 helpings!!!) This was washed down with three bottles of
formula and half a pot of banana yogurt.

The chowder was a huge success with Master and Miss. Hubbie was not so
keen, he is not a huge quinoa fan. He did manage to bulk himself up
with smoked fish and cheese salad though.

I have agreed to console him with macaroni cheese tomorrow. Sigh.... Ah
well, if I use wholewheat pasta and use more veg. (especially onion-
based ones because they are amazing with cheese) perhaps that will
defer the 'badness' of the dish.

Have discovered an amazing Lush
product for children called 'Ickle Baby Baff'. See pic. It is not so much a bath ball as a bath face but it fizzes like a fine thing and the demand has been put in for more by minor management.

It has all sorts of yummy stuff like chamomile and lavender
which knocks out all the little loves. Little Master nearly exploded
with excitement himself watching it fizz in the bottom of the bath.
After we bought it, all he could talk about was his 'stinky bath'

Having an early night tonight so I have the energy and the willpower to
stay on diet tomorrow. See below for the treats I am allowed.

7:15am: Cup warm water followed by a cup of Dandelion tea. (In the
real world, are dendelions still weeds?)

FOLLOW with a bowl of Quinoa flake Porridge. (Think I'll cheat here and have
real oat poridge, I'll just die of pleasure if I have too much quinoa and we can't have that)

10:15am: SNACK
1 SMALLER VEGGIE JUICE so to take in the Spirulina. (More
veggie juice, ooooh feckin' yippee!)


12 NOON: Get outside for a fast 20 minute walk.

12:30pm: LUNCH
One or two whole soft, ripe avocados sliced up on a bed of the left
over quinoa from the morning. Decorate with sprinkled pumpkin seeds
throughout and 1 tablespoon of Flax Seeds.
Heaping handful or more of Raw or lightly steamed green beans.

1 VEGGIE JUICE (Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!)
2 cucumbers
1 carrot
3 celery

6:00pm: Dance for 20 minutes and just go crazy. (Crazy? I
must be barmy to follow this dammed diet in the 1st place!)

6:30pm: DINNER
Aduki Bean casserole with squash and yams
Loads of Alfalfa sprouts weaved throughout.
Make a big pot as it will serve as lunch the next day.

9:00pm: SNACK
Handful Raw Hazelnuts. Steam for 2 minutes or not if you
can’t be bothered.
Steaming gives a nice feel and texture and aids digestion. (If you
say so ..... groan.....)

Sunday, January 08, 2006

cheezy cheeky

cheezy cheeky

2006 Day 8 Site driving me mad

Site was busted last night so I could not post. Kept logging me in and
out so I lost patience and devoted some quality time to
(yelling at) husband (joke.....ish)

I feel busted tonight so will not be much of a post. Still
on diet and sticking to it quite well although I did have a few slurps
of wine last night. Just to quality test a reserve you understand.....

Kids both well.

Little Master and I had the Mother of all cushion fights tonight - well
we have 14 cushions knocking about the sitting room so it seems strange
not to put them to good use. Besides, it beats the dust out of them and
keeps them 'plumped up' :)

Little Miss is still off her food although perversely enough she is
sleeping longer while eating less. Don't understand that one.
When she started on solids at 5 and a half months, she used to demolish all in
front of her. Month one, she had a jar of babyfood for lunch for dinner
followed by a jar of dessert and very rarely left a crumb (or more
accurately a drip) Month two and we moved on to having dinner, also two
pots, also demolished. Month three we added breakfast (porridge and a
yogurt) Then for a few weeks, we were a three meals a day happy happy
girl. Come December and the onslaught of teeth (and I choose that word
deliberately) and we were spitting out food (that is when we were not
puking it up or screaming at the sight of it)

If all that were not enough fun, we also weaned ourselves. I breastfed
Little Master for 15 months and I pretty much intended to do the same
for the Little Miss. I had not foreseen her refusing to feed, squirming
at the breast, screaming when I tried to feed her and in a last
dramatic gesture of refusal actually strain to get away. Happy was not what I was. Have just
about reconciled myself to it now although every time she sniffles now
I am tempted to start using a breast pump and get the errr...... juices flowing again.

Watched a few episodes of 'Ripping Yarns' tonight which is so
funny it makes me choke laughing. If you like the humor of Monty Python
and/or Michael Palin in general, it is perfect for you albeit just a
little hard to get hold of on DVD. Bought it off eBay for
hubbie for a Christmas present and he lurrrrrrrrrves me for it.

That is all. Sunday tomorrow and we have all the joys and terrors of Toddler World in Greenwich. I need my sleep!