Monday, September 25, 2006

As the French would say, "Oui Oui"

There are some television ads which are mundane, there are some that make you want to turn the TV off, there are some so bad they make you want to chew your own eyes out just so you can stop looking at them but tonight I have seen one that I wanted to come straight back on again so I could make sure I had seen what I thought I heard.

Picture it if you will:
A plastic pregnancy test stick, low lighting, the stick suspended in space being turned slowly so it looks all arty and modern.
The voice over booms: The clearblue pregnancy test stick, the most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on"

It took me about two minutes to re-gain my composure. Hell I really have to get myself one of those as I am one of those girls who can only pee on really technological objects. I am so fed up weeing on my iPod, it just doesn't feel that advanced anymore!


Between that and the roller-skating tampon wearing women of the 90s, it really just shows some advertising agencies really do not have a notion, do they, bless 'em.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Richard Hammond eating cornflakes....

.... chatting and walking off to the chap's room on his own.

He is now in the general ward of Leeds hospital.

Fair dues to whoever designed the bodysuit he was wearing when he crashed and also to the air-ambulance crew who lifted him to the head trauma unit where he was treated. If they had not got him there in 12 minuites, the alternative was a 40-minuite ambulance trip.

Also fair dues to the Top Gear viewers who donated £4000 within 24 hours to that same air-ambulance unit, £65,000 within 48 hours and £156,279.70 to date. What a decent set of fans the man inspires.

To everyone whittering on about health and safety, go an boil your heads .... in tepid oil of course. What is your problem? He was not driving a car along the motorway with his baby daughters unstrapped in the back seats, he was driving a jet powered car along a deserted airfield. He was responsible for his own actions. Let adults make up their own minds as long as they seem relatively sane enough to do so. Although some feats of human achievement probably would not have possible without some men and women skirting very close to the lunacy line. Anyone care to walk to the South Pole or climb Mt. Everest without polartec underwear?

To all the 'we told you it would happen sooner or later' finger wagglers; go out today and take a fucking risk. What's wrong? Are you afraid of denting your china-cup holding pinkie? Are you jealous that you won't inspire people to donate money in your name if something goes wrong? Risks make us feel alive and a life without frisson is not worth living. Is there a point in getting out of bed to face a day without possibilities?

Anyhow enough of all that soppy babbling and onto a much more importaint consideration: Where will they put the Vampire Jet on the cool wall?

Good read. An article by Jeremy Clarkson on the last few days. It is well worth reading and a lovely tribute to his friend. Warning though, it is printed in the Sun :)

It's enough to drive you to drink...

Top anglers drug tested at fishing competition

Yes, a fishing competition. I guess it must be tranquilizers that they have been taking in order to put up with the bum-numbing self-discipline that it takes in order to sit there hour after hour imaging the crap.. sorry carp they are going to catch in English rivers.

Perhaps the officials are afraid of sabotage and these are anti-doping measures? Hullo? Have you ever looked at the 'high on contentment' expression of anglers on their weekly escape from the rest of their lives? In order to win over these seventy other dwarfs all called Dopey, you need to soup yourself up on amphetamines (the kind that allow you to sit very still and talk in whispers) and not drug the other water-watchers.

What next, the staid members of the Women's Institute stripping naked in calendars for sale all over the country?

Muriel wondered if Stanley's new found energy bursts were from sunflower seeds after all?