Saturday, October 21, 2006

Ideas I wish I had come up with...


Brio train sets

The Garbage pail kids (not their wussy Cabbage patch counterparts)

.... and all basic good simple worthwhile popular ideas of that ilk.

Ideas I am so glad that I do NOT have the mind to come up with:

Putting microchips in wheelie bins

Thinking the Beatles were not worth signing

Test tube aliens

I kid you not, some marketing executive has decided that selling developing beings in a test tube is an excellent idea. Was this a cousin of the genius who marketed the ingredients for a bomb in a pre-pubescent chemistry kit? It is not the morality of the thing I object to, as always I bestraddle the fence with a slightly pained expression on my face but say the words out loud "test tube toys for children" and refrain from grimacing, I challenge you.

"There are 6 Test Tube Aliens to collect - 3 'good' & 3 'evil' . The 3 good aliens are called 'Kurion, Yagoni and Tatsuni'. Then you have the 3 evil aliens, and their names are 'Dodec, Takon and Shako'. Each comes as a chrysalis which hatches when submerged in water in the accompanying test tube. As you bring life to your unborn alien it will detect light and its electronic heart will start to beat. Add the special growing portion provided (a nutrient rich slime) and over a 14 day period the Alien will grow to around 8 times its birth size."

So 25 years after all the furore, objections and screaming about the immorality of test tube babies, we are giving their alien counterparts to children to play with.

So that's ok then.

40 years ago this week

40 years ago in a Welsh town called Aberfan a coal waste tip slid down a mountain engulfing the Pantglas Junior School and surrounding houses which stood in its path.

144 people were killed. 116 of these were children.

It happened just after pupils had arrived for classes at the school on the last day before half-term that year. If it had happened the next day, the school would have been empty of children.

The picture above is of the mass funeral that was held for the victims.

A tribunal found the National Coal Board was responsible for the disaster, but nobody was sacked or prosecuted.

When it was revealed the remaining tips were still in danger of slipping, the villagers asked the government to remove them. After a while, when the government finally agreed, they asked the village for £150,000 towards the work from the disaster fund which had accumulated donations of £1.75m.

Hold your own children a little closer to you today and thank whatever deity you believe in for the. If you can, give a thought for the people of Aberfan who lost their children and were let down by God, man, government and industry.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

What a girl wants, what a girl needs...

What I want: World peace, for us all just to fucking get along, for the unicorn to become un- extinct, for my daughter to grow up not giving a shite about the way she looks (rather like me) whilst being absolutely gorgeous (rather unlike me) for my son to be so big and strong that he scares the bullies whilst never indulging in their sort of behaviour, for my husband to forgive me my imperfections (like wheat beer and and I NOT mixing) and a guarantee that my collection of priceless PG Wodehouse books to remain intact.

What I need: Love, a warm waterproof roof over my family's head, a regular pay-packet, the sort of job that allows me a home-life, the right to express myself, entertainment, a good laugh, a nice smelly cheese, a decent glass of wine, the company of my old friends, some time to myself occasionally, good coffee, decent pre-prepared low-calorie meals and intimacy.

See? It is not rocket science and among women in general, our wants and needs do not vary that much.

So Jack Straw, a British politician, a father of a convicted (soft) drug dealer, a brother to a man who has committed sexual assault and a husband to an inside trader has decided to tell Niqab-wearing women this week how he would like them to dress for an audience with him.

Hell, is this open week? Can I tell Mr. Straw how I would like him to dress for an audience with me?

He would like women dictated to by their culture and religion to listen to his white liberal tall skinny western ass tell them how to dress? Well that works for me!*

So if he can tell a woman who is covered facially by the Niqab (see pic) Can he (should he) tell me, in my jeans and top to come back and talk to him in my bikini and grass skirt? Seriously, can he?

(Pic as promised)

Because you see, I had really bloody odd conservative parents. They installed this flippin' odd belief in me that to march into a politician's office wearing short hemmed gear would be a bad idea. Do you reckon that the average woman that likes the familiarity and comfort of her traditional dress (what way, shape or form the hemlines may take) takes joy in being told to dress the way that makes a male politician comfortable????

Fuck off all males dictating to women how to dress tonight. May you all stub your toes on something as big as your own stupidity!

As for Mr. Straw who would like women to wear less to allow better communication; the two fingered "you're crap" salute does not need a revelation of nose and mouth. An angry woman wanting something changed is an angry woman, you do not need to see her mouth and nose exposed to tell she is angry. Most women have the gift of getting the message accross.

If this society is really interested in what women want and what women need, they will start by fucking asking them, not presuming for them, after all, that is what democracies do, NOT dictators. We do live in a democracy, don't we?!