Thursday, August 30, 2007

Bloody breeders ....

Last evening, the kids went with the crumblies to the countryside.

It was all very busy, emotional and kissy-wissy seeing them off. Husband-person and I held hands and waved after them with misty eyes and forlorn faces.

Then the car disappeared around the corner.

"Pub?" said husband shaped person. He was talking to empty air as I sprinted inside to grab my purse.

So we went to Blackheath and entered a den of ill-repute licenced to sell alcoholic beverages etc. Then in a fit of alcohol-inspired bravado, we went to town on the train. Yes, town, out where the single and child-less people go to socialise. We went to Charing Cross blinking in the strange and glamorous street lights and glowing neon signs and trying not too look too surprised when the doorman of a salubrious looking gay underground drinking den actually let us in.

My open-eyed childlike wonder of this alien world soon evaporated when I realised that the reason for the locked door in the loos was related to the fact that couple inside were busily involved in doing the wild thing.

So I put on my best Mummy voice (which is a mixture of Ann Widdicombe and Lauren Bacall) and yelled:
"Get out, you can do that anywhere, I need the toilet NOW!"

..... and tried not to look too amazed when it worked. Out walked a sheepish looking man and woman.

hah, result.

"Disgusting" said a tall Queen behind me. "Where do they think they are?"
"Breeders, eh?" I replied betraying my orientation before I nipped into the cubicle and relieved my immediate need.

So now I am in work thinking unkind things about that last bottle of beer that I just had to have (it was the rotten one of the night) and longing for my bed. Not my bed with a husband-shaped lump in it. What do you think I am? A breeder?

2 comments:

The Furtive Wangler said...

The mummy voice is obviously your very own super hero power! With great power comes great responsibility ... they deserved it!

Violet said...

Good for you! See, having kids does have it's assertive benefits.