Sunday, February 24, 2008

French military victories

Enter French military victories into Google

Hit 'I'm feeling lucky'

Snigger.....


Now look at the address of the page you have opened

It is not Google

It is the web-page of someone who will never get laid in France .... ever!

Ireland really wants to win the Eurovision this year

and I write that with all the sincerity of Mark Anthony's insistence that Brutus was an honourable man ...

"But Brutus says he was ambitious; And Brutus is an honourable man… "

Ireland has won the annual glitter and sequins fest seven times since it was started in 1956 and it was rumoured at once point that the national television station was pulling its hair out wondering how to afford to stage yet another lavish spectacle.

Yes Ireland is this year putting forward a turkey as its entrant and I am sure Ireland really wants to win.


Most of the world will be blissfully unaware of who Dustin is. Even I, who grew up watching him on Irish children's television, sometimes feel the need for an on-screen translation for his thick Dublin accent.

Yes Ireland is this year putting forward a turkey as its entrant and I am sure Ireland really wants to win.

In Ireland, Dustin has a distinguished pop career and has already released 14 singles and 6 albums but it in politics that he has made his strongest impact.

There is a strange rule in Ireland that you can only be a turkey in human form in order to enter politics. Turkey birds and turkey puppets are not allowed although this has not stopped the irrepressible beaky Dubliner. He has run mock campaigns to become the next president of Ireland and now a custom has built up of people, unimpressed with the candidates on offer to enter 'Dustin' or 'Dustin the Turkey' on the ballot paper.

Yes Ireland is this year putting forward a turkey as its entrant and I am sure Ireland really wants to win.

You may think spoiling your vote in this way is an immature way of giving the fingers to the political parties but when you heard that Dustin once promised (if elected) to make sure every young boy in Ireland got to go on a date with the Spice Girl of their choice, you can kind of see the logic.

Yes Ireland is this year putting forward a turkey as its entrant and I am sure Ireland really wants to win.

It is just that I am not sure that other countries will get the joke (or the accent) and I think that is what the thinking behind Dustin "winning" (cough) the public (choke) vote (ahem....) was. I think it is someone stealing a plotline from a comedy, namely the Father Ted episode 'Song for Europe'. Let's rig the vote, pick the biggest turkey (literally) and let some other country (suckers!) worry about putting the sacred mess together. Ok, I'm joking. I have to say that or I might be sued for libellously suggesting that the organisers of the vote were corrupt.

Be funny if I was right though, wouldn't it?

But as I have said many times before: Yes Ireland is this year putting forward a turkey as its entrant and I am sure Ireland really wants to win.

If I am right (and I am sure I am not if there are any solicitors who specialise in libel reading this) in fairness, it is a slightly less transparent plan than the ruse to lose they employed last year when they chose a stinker as opposed to a fowl to represent Ireland.

Can you imagine what Terry Wogan ,who once said of a particuliar pair of Eurovision presenters, "Thank God we've all had a few drinks - if anyone can kill a crowd these two can", is going to say about this one?